Remember when you were a kid and woke up really early to see what presents you had under the tree? The excitement of it all, attacking the wrapping paper like you were on a mission with ferocious intensity to find all the greatest gifts that you toss aside to jump at the next present for?
Now as an adult you get to watch the face of the person you give your gifts to, the light in their eyes, the excitement, the love. Which is the better feeling? some would ask, giving the greatest gift or receiving it?
Well my answer is neither, and both. It is said very often in all the movies and stories about christmas and the christmas spirit but how often do we actually ponder and listen to it? I see that the love behind the gift is the absolute most important part. I have always been the one to "go big or go home" and make or buy the biggest baddest best gift i can find for a person but the last couple of years things have toned down, maybe i have grown up or something. I see that the perfect gift is not something you had to slave over for hours or fight through crowds of insane people to get to but something that simply says "I love you" or "i appreciate you"
The gifts I have kept over the years, the ones I have truly loved and appreciated are not the huge expensive ones but the ones that came with heart, with something that told me that person loves me. I still have cards from my sisters and I have gifts that normally wouldn't mean anything to anyone but because of the thought behind it they mean the world to me.
To me the greatest gifts aren't even the gifts at all but the people that bring that bring them to me.
I love you all, Merry Christmas
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
2010: against the world
My dear sister, ashes.There are always a great many memories throughout the years between us, unfortunately this year seems to be a bit short on them. Even if we aren't together very often anymore when we are we are, we are still as close as ever
This year I will take with me memories of concerts, bars, clubs, school, parties, and a whole mess of late nite bad relationship talks(from both sides) Outstanding memories would be the 5FDP show earlier in the year, finally getting you into the bar at area, drinking with you for the first time, the Trapt show, parties at your place, smoking hookah and bullshitting all nite
Ashes, I know that no matter the distance between us, the time apart, you will always be standing behind me when I face the world as I will be for you. I love you dearly my sweet lil sis, Against the world, no matter what
Sunday, December 19, 2010
2010: Rebirth
Patrick Chase may be one of my longest lasting friends, but for the past couple of years things havent been to great, that all changed with a phone call in June. That call would change things around amazingly not only our relationship but my life(that is a story for another day)
I am very glad to have such a dedicated person in my life. Patrick has seen the very worst and the very best times of my life. Throughout this year we have shared a great many moments from the photo sessions, bar nites(epic birthday bash!), and TEAM events.
Trick, I am very glad to call myself your friend and very proud to call myself your business partner. You have proven time and again that together we will conquer the world and I look forward to every inch of struggle because I know no matter what the two of us will pull it off or die trying.
Oh and you have amazing THUG AIM
Saturday, December 18, 2010
2010: Better than a sneezing panda!
How could I ever go a single year without my best buddy, Daniel Lutu aka Panda?I don't think that question could be answered, ever since that fateful day back in Ms. Trevino's
third grade class when we met he has been one of my greatest friends.
This year we have had many memories to share one of the biggest being that of finally making good of our 8 year old pact(as in we made the promise when we were 8 not 8 years ago) to see "The hottest band in the world!" KISS. That nite alone will survive in my memory for a very long long time and there is no other person I would have rather shared it with. I told a great many people that the two of us could have fun even if we were stuck in the broom closet backstage at the concert.
The Pow Wow Palace also gave a great many memories, so many times when I was down and needing a friend or even more times when I just wanted to get out and have fun with friends could we sit in the palace listen to some awesome jams and smoke some hookah, learn new smoke tricks, drink, talk about everything from pokemon to how hot the girls from the club were the nite before.
Panda's Friday Night Festivities!- even though so far it has only happened twice they both were amazing times and what will happen next can only be better.
Daniel, you know you are my brother for life, I don't think you hear often enough how much I appreciate you not only for all the great times and parties but for the human being you are. I literally would be a very different person without your support. Thank you for bringing me a lifetime of great memories and I look forward to all the ones to come
Friday, December 17, 2010
2010 Memories- the greatest
One of the best parts of 2010 is the relationship I have built with Ms Ashleigh Morgan. All the adventures, late nite talks, deep thought processing, relationship bullshit, crazy nites of parties and drinks have made her one of the most important people in my life.
Our adventures have been amazing, whether its driving up to park city for me to see a girl, or hiking around the canyons and silver lake it has always been a good time.
The parties, oh the parties! I don't think I have had this much fun going to parties and getting trashed with anyone else. Every time we party it is a new experience and completely wild.
Ashleigh, you are beautiful, wonderful to be around, always willing to help me, crazy to party with, exciting to adventure with, and most of all amazing to talk to. I thank you for bringing light to my dark times of 2010 and I appreciate you so much I don't think words could describe. I do not know where i would be or what I would do without you. I hold you very dear to my heart and I know we will always be close, that makes me very happy, I love you
Thursday, December 16, 2010
2010 memories- my main bro
Here begins my year in revue memories list, I am doing it a bit differently this year. Rather than talking about what the best albums, movies, concerts, or whatever else happened and listing them I decided that it would be better if I talked about actual memories that matter, things that have impacted my life in however small a way that should be noted.
I start today with memories from my main bro- jacob hobbs, after all I may not have made it to 2010 without him. New Years day 2010 he literally saved my life and we grew closer as brothers than ever before, even if the circumstances were not the best, I truly fullheartedly appreciate what he did that day.
Probably the biggest memory of 2010 is our trip to Vegas over the summer. Sittin by the pool, Margaritas, flblahblahbluh he is coming my friends!, electrocutions, walking the ENTIRE FUCKING STRIP, the most comfortable beds, the largest arcade I have ever seen in my life, "HUZZAH!!!", and that damn airport security picking on the Asian kid. Thank You hobbs for the best vacation I have had in years
As always the very many shows and brutal late nite parties have been great, As per my promise new years day I have never sunk as low as i did then and have been able to actually remember a lot of these events this year. Shiny driving, late nite mexican food runs, the saltair, bruises, beers, and the sharp realization that we are truly past our prime for the pits but don't really care.
Hobbs, for being my brother, my right hand, one of the very few people i trust completely, saving my life, endangering it on an occasion or two, always being there, the hard parties, the brutal mosh pits, VEGAS, the drinks, the smokes, the unequivocal humor, and most of all for being my best friend I thank you for making my 2010 that much better
Thursday, December 2, 2010
300 reasons
1. Your good morning text messages always come with a sense of happiness
2. You have an amazing fashion sense
3. You have a naturally beautiful face
4. your passion for music
5. The love you have for your pets
6. Your hard work
7. your drive to reach your goals
8. the way you don't let me get away with petty things
9. your skills with a camera
10. your admiration of true artwork
11. your fun loving demeaner
12. your light hearted humor
13. your determination for perfection in your art
14. your hardheadedness
15. you always say exactly what needs to be said
16. your never say die demeaner
17. your vehicle savvyness
18. your unwillingness to allow good friends to suffer
19. your hugs
20. your kisses
21. your fascination with underwear
22. your taste in music
23. the books you read
24. the knowledge of worldly subjects you have
25. you always land on your feet eventually
26. you face adversity with a smile
27. you don't care what negativity is thrown at you
28. you believe in yourself
29. you cover every contingency plan
30. your focus, no matter how many things come up you can always come back to the issue at hand
31. your conviction in your decisions
32. your faith
33. the difference you make in my life
34. your ability to listen intently
35. you don't sugercoat your advice
36. you are always willing to help
37. your quirky remarks throughout the day
38. Even when things are at their worst you can manage to see a light somewhere
39. your physical beauty
40. your witty commentary on events
41. You don't hide your true face
42. If you aren't getting what you want, you know where and how to get to it
43. The inspiration you give
44. your strength
45. your warmth
46. your quickness
47. your limberness
48. your spirit
49. your mind
50. the way you make everything feel like its going to be ok
51. the fact that everything is ok after you said it will be
52. How effectively you shoot down infantile responses
53. the way you cut through all the bullshit to get to what really matters
54. your heart
55. your competitive edge
56. your smile
57. Your laugh
58. the way you can sing uncontrollably in your car
59. the way you can control a situation
60. your dirty comments always fit right in
61. your sense of direction/mental road map
62. you have a song quote everyday
63. the way you fit perfectly in my arms
64. you know as much about music as anyone i know
65. you have made every decision worth the risks ive taken
66. you know when to fight
67. when you do fight you make all the right points
68. your forgiving mistakes
69. your courage
70. your openness
71. how easy it is to talk to you
72. you always have something interesting to say
73. you can spice up any time
74. your firm belief system
75. your ability to spot the small things
76. your commitment
77. your love of animals and how you care for them
78. your health
79. your trustworthiness
80. the way you question everything
81. when you look at things you see what nobody else does
82. willingness to go on adventures
83. the way you can take straight shots even though you don't drink often
84. you breathe life into your work
85. you know how to push the right buttons to get the response you want
86. your buttons are not pushed very easily
87. your sexy body
88. your memory
89. you always think about someone else
90. you don't waste time
91. you act when you want to, you don't wait for perfection
92. when you act, it is perfect
93. you don't expect big things, you expect the right things
94. you bring out the best in me
95. you make me feel like more than i thought i could be
96. you don't hold secrets
97. I can talk to you about anything
98. you are honest
99. you are realistic
100. you are trustworthy
101. your devotion
102. when you got knocked down you get right back up
103. your tenderness when it counts
104. when things get tough you know how to respond
105. you treat people with respect
106. your high sense of dignity
107. your sens of respect
108. your fascination with basic pleasures of life
109. your amazement
110. you live in the moment, not in yesterday
111. your humbleness
112. you are a natural leader
113. you are very organized
114. you respect the life you have been given
115. you follow no person, you make your own path
116. you don't wallow in self pity
117. you solve problems effectively
118. you throw down the challenge when you need to
119. you can call bullshit when necassary
120. you eliminate the gray areas that don't matter
121. you keep me on my toes
122. you are adaptable
123. you are flexible(physically)
124. when you make mistakes you own up to it
125. I have never seen you play the victim card
126. you know exactly how to put a smile on someones face
127. you can wipe a smile off a persons face when needed
128. you have stuck with me even if I haven't been the best
129. you hold peoples attention
130. you don't take yourself too seriously
131. your creativity
132. you know how to get wheels turning in a mans mind
133. you now how to get what you want
134. your body reacts in such an amazing way
135. you can play the game better than anyone ive known
136. your spirit
137. you have an outfit for every occasion
138. you always look good
139. you always smell amazing
140. you are incredibly clean
141. when you decide to do something you do it
142. your self expression
143. your inner beauty
144. your relatability
145. you know your image and identity
146. you have a free spirit
147. you don't allow people to walk over you
148. you have patience
149. you prove yourself effectively
150. you show people that things are possible and can be done
151. you persevere
152. you have ingenuity
153. you overcome
154. the struggle never takes you down
155. you are a person who exudes happiness at the best of times
156. in the worst of times you show a shining example of a warrior
157. you allow yourself to have your passions
158. you strive to show the world that you are amazing
159. you show that hard work and dedication are still alive
160. you never let your creativity stop
161. you know what you want
162. you know what you have
163. you show appreciation
164. you apologize when you need to
165. when you laugh you inspire laughter
166. you appreciate the natural things in life
167. you don't stretch yourself to attainable goals
168. you constantly move forward
169. you are not afraid to change course
170. you know how to take care of people
171. you know when to step back and let people take care of themselves
172. you don't have to be asked for a lot of what you give
173. you have the perfect responses
174. you can make a person think with only a few short statements
175. you have personally changed the course of my life
176. you don't expect the fame or or gifts that come with the love you give
177. you know when to put yourself first
178. you are consistent
179. you are compassionate
180. you have vision
181. you come to the defense of people who need you
182. you never question your friends
183. you don't judge people when you give advice
184. you are always straightforward
185. you posses a lot of tact
186. under pressure you still hold to your values
187. you have dreams and aspirations
188. you hold yourself together in the eyes of the world
189. you help hold others together when you need
190. your energy level
191. your youthful exuberance
192. you have a sense of time and schedule and you follow it
193. you have taught me many things
194. you have a tendency to explore
195. you admire new things
196. you don't turn away from change
197. you express yourself
198. you don't need anyone to make your dreams come true, you could do it all on your own if you wished
199. you don't need expensive toys or luxuries
200. you are inrecibly independant
201. you don't allow fear to own you
202. you have a peaceful angelic aura
203. you have a sense of morality
204. you have stuck to what you defined as your duties in life without complaint
205. you are attentive
206. you support decision even when you disagree
207. you are dependable
208. you don't allow pride to control you even though you have great reasons to be proud
209. you aren't easy
210. you are loyal
211. you can come out of hard situations in a better spot than you were in the start
212. you are a great planner
213. you have the ability to fly by the seat of your pants
214. you always act like you know exactly whats going on
215. your athleticism
216. your intelligence
217. you foolishness and how you don't let it get you down
218. you react emotionally and logically
219. you have earned everything you have recieved in life
220. you don't expect bailouts
221. you dont allow setbacks to become failures
222. you sell youself really well
223. you carry yourself well
224. you show a lot of class
225. you have many amazing ideas
226. you inspire a great many ideas
227. you tell it like it is, no bullshit
228. the mystery you bring
229. The surprises you enact
230. You make new things happen
231. you have a lot of exciting ideas
232. you have amazing taste in nearly everything you do
233. You have managed to remain whole throughout your challenges
234. your heart beats big
235. any time spent with you is an experience worthwhile
236. you have interesting conversations
237. you own yourself
238. you have the tools to get what you need in life
239. you move quickly with changes
240. you can always have a good time, even when things are bad
241. your actions are always of interest
242. you are always enjoyable
243. every challenge has been worth the risk with you
244. you have the ability to watch your surroundings
245. you understand the movements and motions of your life
246. you continually test the wings of your heart
247. you continually improve on yourself
248. you progress everything in your life effectively
249. you run freely through your life
250. you inspire a great many smiles every day
251. you take amazing pictures
252. you edit photos extremely well
253. when you make demands, you assure that they are met
254. you set limitations on things in life when needed
255. you put all of your heart into what you do
I know i said it would be more i will further expand when i can
2. You have an amazing fashion sense
3. You have a naturally beautiful face
4. your passion for music
5. The love you have for your pets
6. Your hard work
7. your drive to reach your goals
8. the way you don't let me get away with petty things
9. your skills with a camera
10. your admiration of true artwork
11. your fun loving demeaner
12. your light hearted humor
13. your determination for perfection in your art
14. your hardheadedness
15. you always say exactly what needs to be said
16. your never say die demeaner
17. your vehicle savvyness
18. your unwillingness to allow good friends to suffer
19. your hugs
20. your kisses
21. your fascination with underwear
22. your taste in music
23. the books you read
24. the knowledge of worldly subjects you have
25. you always land on your feet eventually
26. you face adversity with a smile
27. you don't care what negativity is thrown at you
28. you believe in yourself
29. you cover every contingency plan
30. your focus, no matter how many things come up you can always come back to the issue at hand
31. your conviction in your decisions
32. your faith
33. the difference you make in my life
34. your ability to listen intently
35. you don't sugercoat your advice
36. you are always willing to help
37. your quirky remarks throughout the day
38. Even when things are at their worst you can manage to see a light somewhere
39. your physical beauty
40. your witty commentary on events
41. You don't hide your true face
42. If you aren't getting what you want, you know where and how to get to it
43. The inspiration you give
44. your strength
45. your warmth
46. your quickness
47. your limberness
48. your spirit
49. your mind
50. the way you make everything feel like its going to be ok
51. the fact that everything is ok after you said it will be
52. How effectively you shoot down infantile responses
53. the way you cut through all the bullshit to get to what really matters
54. your heart
55. your competitive edge
56. your smile
57. Your laugh
58. the way you can sing uncontrollably in your car
59. the way you can control a situation
60. your dirty comments always fit right in
61. your sense of direction/mental road map
62. you have a song quote everyday
63. the way you fit perfectly in my arms
64. you know as much about music as anyone i know
65. you have made every decision worth the risks ive taken
66. you know when to fight
67. when you do fight you make all the right points
68. your forgiving mistakes
69. your courage
70. your openness
71. how easy it is to talk to you
72. you always have something interesting to say
73. you can spice up any time
74. your firm belief system
75. your ability to spot the small things
76. your commitment
77. your love of animals and how you care for them
78. your health
79. your trustworthiness
80. the way you question everything
81. when you look at things you see what nobody else does
82. willingness to go on adventures
83. the way you can take straight shots even though you don't drink often
84. you breathe life into your work
85. you know how to push the right buttons to get the response you want
86. your buttons are not pushed very easily
87. your sexy body
88. your memory
89. you always think about someone else
90. you don't waste time
91. you act when you want to, you don't wait for perfection
92. when you act, it is perfect
93. you don't expect big things, you expect the right things
94. you bring out the best in me
95. you make me feel like more than i thought i could be
96. you don't hold secrets
97. I can talk to you about anything
98. you are honest
99. you are realistic
100. you are trustworthy
101. your devotion
102. when you got knocked down you get right back up
103. your tenderness when it counts
104. when things get tough you know how to respond
105. you treat people with respect
106. your high sense of dignity
107. your sens of respect
108. your fascination with basic pleasures of life
109. your amazement
110. you live in the moment, not in yesterday
111. your humbleness
112. you are a natural leader
113. you are very organized
114. you respect the life you have been given
115. you follow no person, you make your own path
116. you don't wallow in self pity
117. you solve problems effectively
118. you throw down the challenge when you need to
119. you can call bullshit when necassary
120. you eliminate the gray areas that don't matter
121. you keep me on my toes
122. you are adaptable
123. you are flexible(physically)
124. when you make mistakes you own up to it
125. I have never seen you play the victim card
126. you know exactly how to put a smile on someones face
127. you can wipe a smile off a persons face when needed
128. you have stuck with me even if I haven't been the best
129. you hold peoples attention
130. you don't take yourself too seriously
131. your creativity
132. you know how to get wheels turning in a mans mind
133. you now how to get what you want
134. your body reacts in such an amazing way
135. you can play the game better than anyone ive known
136. your spirit
137. you have an outfit for every occasion
138. you always look good
139. you always smell amazing
140. you are incredibly clean
141. when you decide to do something you do it
142. your self expression
143. your inner beauty
144. your relatability
145. you know your image and identity
146. you have a free spirit
147. you don't allow people to walk over you
148. you have patience
149. you prove yourself effectively
150. you show people that things are possible and can be done
151. you persevere
152. you have ingenuity
153. you overcome
154. the struggle never takes you down
155. you are a person who exudes happiness at the best of times
156. in the worst of times you show a shining example of a warrior
157. you allow yourself to have your passions
158. you strive to show the world that you are amazing
159. you show that hard work and dedication are still alive
160. you never let your creativity stop
161. you know what you want
162. you know what you have
163. you show appreciation
164. you apologize when you need to
165. when you laugh you inspire laughter
166. you appreciate the natural things in life
167. you don't stretch yourself to attainable goals
168. you constantly move forward
169. you are not afraid to change course
170. you know how to take care of people
171. you know when to step back and let people take care of themselves
172. you don't have to be asked for a lot of what you give
173. you have the perfect responses
174. you can make a person think with only a few short statements
175. you have personally changed the course of my life
176. you don't expect the fame or or gifts that come with the love you give
177. you know when to put yourself first
178. you are consistent
179. you are compassionate
180. you have vision
181. you come to the defense of people who need you
182. you never question your friends
183. you don't judge people when you give advice
184. you are always straightforward
185. you posses a lot of tact
186. under pressure you still hold to your values
187. you have dreams and aspirations
188. you hold yourself together in the eyes of the world
189. you help hold others together when you need
190. your energy level
191. your youthful exuberance
192. you have a sense of time and schedule and you follow it
193. you have taught me many things
194. you have a tendency to explore
195. you admire new things
196. you don't turn away from change
197. you express yourself
198. you don't need anyone to make your dreams come true, you could do it all on your own if you wished
199. you don't need expensive toys or luxuries
200. you are inrecibly independant
201. you don't allow fear to own you
202. you have a peaceful angelic aura
203. you have a sense of morality
204. you have stuck to what you defined as your duties in life without complaint
205. you are attentive
206. you support decision even when you disagree
207. you are dependable
208. you don't allow pride to control you even though you have great reasons to be proud
209. you aren't easy
210. you are loyal
211. you can come out of hard situations in a better spot than you were in the start
212. you are a great planner
213. you have the ability to fly by the seat of your pants
214. you always act like you know exactly whats going on
215. your athleticism
216. your intelligence
217. you foolishness and how you don't let it get you down
218. you react emotionally and logically
219. you have earned everything you have recieved in life
220. you don't expect bailouts
221. you dont allow setbacks to become failures
222. you sell youself really well
223. you carry yourself well
224. you show a lot of class
225. you have many amazing ideas
226. you inspire a great many ideas
227. you tell it like it is, no bullshit
228. the mystery you bring
229. The surprises you enact
230. You make new things happen
231. you have a lot of exciting ideas
232. you have amazing taste in nearly everything you do
233. You have managed to remain whole throughout your challenges
234. your heart beats big
235. any time spent with you is an experience worthwhile
236. you have interesting conversations
237. you own yourself
238. you have the tools to get what you need in life
239. you move quickly with changes
240. you can always have a good time, even when things are bad
241. your actions are always of interest
242. you are always enjoyable
243. every challenge has been worth the risk with you
244. you have the ability to watch your surroundings
245. you understand the movements and motions of your life
246. you continually test the wings of your heart
247. you continually improve on yourself
248. you progress everything in your life effectively
249. you run freely through your life
250. you inspire a great many smiles every day
251. you take amazing pictures
252. you edit photos extremely well
253. when you make demands, you assure that they are met
254. you set limitations on things in life when needed
255. you put all of your heart into what you do
I know i said it would be more i will further expand when i can
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Infection II
So you have said your last goodbye
and I've swallowed your last lie
drew myself a map to navigate this web
gettin out for a happy place instead
Your perfect dream I couldn't be
not that you would let me
You are no Juliet so Why would I be your Romeo?
everyone said to just say no but
like a cigarette you affected me
blinding my senses so I couldn't see
you became the perfection infection
these scars in my complexion
I never wanted anything more, couldnt give you the world
Never wanted to even the score, no matter what you've told
Never give up, she said
be true to yourself, she said
don't live a lie, never deny
be the change you want to see
be the man i need to be
now shes nothing more than a ghost
visible to the ones she haunts
maybe not what i wanted most
but these silent calls and taunts
in my head nothing more than a dream
painful enough to make me scream
the end has come and gone
or is this just the end of one vicious cycle?
will it happen again?
my dark star, my infection, my disease.
mine
and I've swallowed your last lie
drew myself a map to navigate this web
gettin out for a happy place instead
Your perfect dream I couldn't be
not that you would let me
You are no Juliet so Why would I be your Romeo?
everyone said to just say no but
like a cigarette you affected me
blinding my senses so I couldn't see
you became the perfection infection
these scars in my complexion
I never wanted anything more, couldnt give you the world
Never wanted to even the score, no matter what you've told
Never give up, she said
be true to yourself, she said
don't live a lie, never deny
be the change you want to see
be the man i need to be
now shes nothing more than a ghost
visible to the ones she haunts
maybe not what i wanted most
but these silent calls and taunts
in my head nothing more than a dream
painful enough to make me scream
the end has come and gone
or is this just the end of one vicious cycle?
will it happen again?
my dark star, my infection, my disease.
mine
Monday, November 8, 2010
by special request
a romantic adventure,
This is a not so secret entry just for you straight out of my magick book
On this nite you have just arrived home with no idea what is waiting on the inside. you open the door and unusually tucker doesnt run and jump in your arms and all the lights are out you have a second of panic or confusion, im not sure which, then you see the trail of rose petals leading you to the kitchen where a candle lit table is waiting for you. on the table is a note for you to get relaxed and slip into the amazingly gorgeous dress laid out for you in the other room. as you prepare yourself feeling either excited or awkward(I really need to learn your facial expression moods)you notice a man dressed in black with a white mask as if from a Victorian ball is sitting at your dinner table. you try to casually walk out but your heart is pumping and the nerves/excitement(I give up) are very obvious. as you reach the table he stands to pull out your chair and seat you. as you are seated he hands you another note which says; "Tonite it's just you, me, and the stars. we will hold this nite forever and dance like the dearest angels" while you are reading and deciphering the message an amazing dinner is laid out before you with all of your favorites. this whole time the man hasnt said a word but there is soft music in the background. when dinner has finished you receive another note that says "You are as beautiful as any star, as the sun and moon. I would follow your light to the end of days but tonite I ask that you follow me" then you are lead to the patio where there is ample space for two bodies the man takes your hand and leads you into a slow dance that goes on for some time, you fall into his arms allowing him to lead even if he hasn't said a thing all nite. after a while he slips you a note and turns away. it says; "I love you with every beat of my heart, from the depth of my soul to the very top of my wicked mind. I thank you for allowing me the pleasure of this wonderful nite I shall cherish for a lifetime" you turn back to the man to see him unmasked, you stare into my eyes and for the first time you are speechless it is now my turn to speak "you have amazed me every moment since I've met you, I love you" and I brush my hand across your face gently touching watching your eyes before finally giving you an extremely passionate kiss. We share the moment for what seems like a lifetime but is only a matter of seconds before we head back inside to the candle lite room. In this room we show each other our passions and love til we can no longer move and fall to sleep in each others embrace.
This is a not so secret entry just for you straight out of my magick book
On this nite you have just arrived home with no idea what is waiting on the inside. you open the door and unusually tucker doesnt run and jump in your arms and all the lights are out you have a second of panic or confusion, im not sure which, then you see the trail of rose petals leading you to the kitchen where a candle lit table is waiting for you. on the table is a note for you to get relaxed and slip into the amazingly gorgeous dress laid out for you in the other room. as you prepare yourself feeling either excited or awkward(I really need to learn your facial expression moods)you notice a man dressed in black with a white mask as if from a Victorian ball is sitting at your dinner table. you try to casually walk out but your heart is pumping and the nerves/excitement(I give up) are very obvious. as you reach the table he stands to pull out your chair and seat you. as you are seated he hands you another note which says; "Tonite it's just you, me, and the stars. we will hold this nite forever and dance like the dearest angels" while you are reading and deciphering the message an amazing dinner is laid out before you with all of your favorites. this whole time the man hasnt said a word but there is soft music in the background. when dinner has finished you receive another note that says "You are as beautiful as any star, as the sun and moon. I would follow your light to the end of days but tonite I ask that you follow me" then you are lead to the patio where there is ample space for two bodies the man takes your hand and leads you into a slow dance that goes on for some time, you fall into his arms allowing him to lead even if he hasn't said a thing all nite. after a while he slips you a note and turns away. it says; "I love you with every beat of my heart, from the depth of my soul to the very top of my wicked mind. I thank you for allowing me the pleasure of this wonderful nite I shall cherish for a lifetime" you turn back to the man to see him unmasked, you stare into my eyes and for the first time you are speechless it is now my turn to speak "you have amazed me every moment since I've met you, I love you" and I brush my hand across your face gently touching watching your eyes before finally giving you an extremely passionate kiss. We share the moment for what seems like a lifetime but is only a matter of seconds before we head back inside to the candle lite room. In this room we show each other our passions and love til we can no longer move and fall to sleep in each others embrace.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
changes
Halloween is right around the corner and i wish I could say I had some extravagant plans for amazing parties full of ridiculous fun and costumes so crazy you would think we worked in movies. This year however the holiday snuck up on me which rarely ever happens, me being the type of person who always tries to prepare as much as possible. While I enjoy a lot of the things I do currently between TEAM, fancorp, metal army america, LOTUS, random advertising fun, school, collegiate DECA, and my oh so chaotic personal life. A lot of this work has been breaking me down and in order to keep myself in the best shape I have decided to drop very many activities. I am no longer a seated member of the LOTUS council I no longer promote every fancorp job and have limited myself to two projects at a time max although I doubt I will hit very many at all. I just have no interest in doing something I have no advancement in, I love the underground and it will always be a part of me but nothing has changed and I've been on repeat for too long so i will be the change and pursue something great. I wish luck to everyone on the street teams and in the army this former general is gonna put his true leadership skills to the test by starting somewhere else. My work with TEAM has been less than impressive but has made more impact on me and my life than almost anything I have ever done in my life, i don't care if I ever make a dime in this business(which is impossible) I am going to run with these guys for as long as I can. Once again being involved with DECA has been bittersweet, while I enjoy very much what goes on I don't see a whole lot of advancement personally. the TEAM has given me more tools in three months than all of my years in DECA, however I am determined to get that gold medal and am working very hard to make it happen. As far as the insanity of the personal life of Mr. Havik? It has been winding down and i have been cutting loose a lot of people who really have no business being in my life to begin with. I forget which psychologist said it but you are the summation of the closest people to you in life and I choose to be close to people who actually lead lives i admire and want to emulate.
oh and cuz the halloween excitement is hittin me here is my countdown song of the day;
oh and cuz the halloween excitement is hittin me here is my countdown song of the day;
Monday, October 25, 2010
soulmates, friends, brothers and sisters forever
A few weekss ago I went to the murderdolls, rob zombie, alice cooper showAs it is well known I am much more an underground dog and love the close proximity and energy you get in smaller or mid size venues but alice and rob put on amazing sets and I am glad I went to see them even if it was a huge stadium ;p The murderdolls on the other hand need to be in a smaller venue, I love the band but they aren't meant for large stadiums.
I was able to see some old friends at the show and it sparked a lot of good feeling memories. I quite honestly would not be who I am today without those friends; Carlos, Jalice, Danny, Jezzi, and Vaenka. I will be forever grateful to call myself your friend.
and that brings me to this blogs topic today; soulmates, friends, brothers and sisters forever
In life you are blessed to meet new people every day and interact with the world but it is not very often you come into contact with a soulmate, someone who is destined to change your life forever. I don't believe in soulmates in the traditional sense(lets face it when am I ever traditional) I think you can come into contact with several in your lifetime my soulmates are all people who have changed my life in the biggest ways often times in doing the smallest things. A soulmate is a great friend who with a small subtle word can turn your day around when your down, a person who can just look at you and know exactly what your thinking, a person who is loving down to their core and whether or not they openly show it you know it.
I am very glad and very proud to say that in the last couple of months I have met a few more of my soulmates through the community I currently work in(my TEAM) and through the community I have lived for years. I consider every friend I've ever made as a treasure because for one reason or another no matter how much may have happened or will happen from the moment you met me forward there was something we connected on. Human connection is the one thing every person on earth looks for. It is why we look for love and acceptance in the world, nobody wants to be alone, but in reality how many of us are? You do not need the textbook movie love story to be accepted, you have your family, your friends, your community and if you can't see the love there all I ask is that you open your eyes. If you truly believe there is no hope for love and acceptance spend some time with me and I will show you otherwise.
love in the deepest way,
the undeniable truth of "Maniak" Mike HAVIK
I was able to see some old friends at the show and it sparked a lot of good feeling memories. I quite honestly would not be who I am today without those friends; Carlos, Jalice, Danny, Jezzi, and Vaenka. I will be forever grateful to call myself your friend.
and that brings me to this blogs topic today; soulmates, friends, brothers and sisters forever
In life you are blessed to meet new people every day and interact with the world but it is not very often you come into contact with a soulmate, someone who is destined to change your life forever. I don't believe in soulmates in the traditional sense(lets face it when am I ever traditional) I think you can come into contact with several in your lifetime my soulmates are all people who have changed my life in the biggest ways often times in doing the smallest things. A soulmate is a great friend who with a small subtle word can turn your day around when your down, a person who can just look at you and know exactly what your thinking, a person who is loving down to their core and whether or not they openly show it you know it.
I am very glad and very proud to say that in the last couple of months I have met a few more of my soulmates through the community I currently work in(my TEAM) and through the community I have lived for years. I consider every friend I've ever made as a treasure because for one reason or another no matter how much may have happened or will happen from the moment you met me forward there was something we connected on. Human connection is the one thing every person on earth looks for. It is why we look for love and acceptance in the world, nobody wants to be alone, but in reality how many of us are? You do not need the textbook movie love story to be accepted, you have your family, your friends, your community and if you can't see the love there all I ask is that you open your eyes. If you truly believe there is no hope for love and acceptance spend some time with me and I will show you otherwise.
love in the deepest way,
the undeniable truth of "Maniak" Mike HAVIK
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
nobodys fool?
A lot has been on my mind recently, life has been so hectic and busy I have not been able to sort out my mind (though i must admit its because i keep myself busy so as not to think about certain things) As far as who I am becoming on the inside, I am growing to love him, The guy who doesnt have to fight all the time, and doesnt have to be right all the time, Im not perfect and thats ok, I have my drive, my dream, and a way to get there. I have learned to open myself up to the positives in my life and not just say that things are ok but actually believe it, the dark side of my mind is slowly creeping away as I have been blasted full of optimism with vision. being able to actually see that I am the key to my own happiness and that the people I have surrounded myself with fully support and help me in that has greatly improved my standing in the world. I do believe I have become a better person in the last couple months. Most of my life is working well even with all the struggle and true fight I must go through, my energies are focused in the right direction this time.
The only part of my life I see no control over is in love. It seems to be one thing that i havent made any right decisions in, I am constantly being told how foolish I am and how much of a backstep I am taking but I cant help it really, my passion is focused and I dont see another direction I would even think about wanting to put it. as bad as that may be in my situation its the truth. I see her everywhere and in everything no matter whats happened and will happen. I may be a fool but Im her fool. one that will be stuck in this state of mental dysfunction for some time it seems. I am not the kind of man who gets attached as well known to anyone even remotely close to knowing of me would know, yet i feel a pull in her direction and for the first time since i was a young dumb teenager Idon't want to fight it at all. she inspires me and impresses me every day and i see a light in her that Ive never seen or felt ever before. I know its foolish and I know I may not be making the "best" decisions but they are the ones I know deep in my heart that I should be making, the optimist in me says everything will work out just fine, the pessimist tells me I'm insane, and the realist says "you will never forecast anything, but your drive determination and insanity will work out well"
The only part of my life I see no control over is in love. It seems to be one thing that i havent made any right decisions in, I am constantly being told how foolish I am and how much of a backstep I am taking but I cant help it really, my passion is focused and I dont see another direction I would even think about wanting to put it. as bad as that may be in my situation its the truth. I see her everywhere and in everything no matter whats happened and will happen. I may be a fool but Im her fool. one that will be stuck in this state of mental dysfunction for some time it seems. I am not the kind of man who gets attached as well known to anyone even remotely close to knowing of me would know, yet i feel a pull in her direction and for the first time since i was a young dumb teenager Idon't want to fight it at all. she inspires me and impresses me every day and i see a light in her that Ive never seen or felt ever before. I know its foolish and I know I may not be making the "best" decisions but they are the ones I know deep in my heart that I should be making, the optimist in me says everything will work out just fine, the pessimist tells me I'm insane, and the realist says "you will never forecast anything, but your drive determination and insanity will work out well"
Friday, July 30, 2010
Insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results
"Failure is the opportunity to begin again, more intelligently." - Henry Ford
Why is it that after we have failed and made mistakes we do not fix them? Anyone who has seen my "lack of love" life will tell you I am a gamble and very dangerous to be with, "you never know when he will leave" "his focus is never on you" "he wont commit" etc.. I have made the same mistakes over and over again, I acknowledge those mistakes yet I have made them time and again. I hear the same argument over and over and until this most recent time I hadn't realized how damaged I really am. I have done the same thing to every girl I have loved, and similarly the same to everyone I just had to "fill a spot" (sorry to say so, but I have never been known to sugercoat or pull punches so how can I go easy on myself, its pure honesty)
My goal is to be a better person and to do that I must change my habits, as well as the way I see these situations. Im not superman and I dont know everything, but I am willing to put forth the effort to be the best I can. I have made a promise to myself, my future relationship partners, and the world that I will listen to my own advice and actually learn how to fail and grow from it rather than sit and burn in the same fire time and time again.
Why is it that after we have failed and made mistakes we do not fix them? Anyone who has seen my "lack of love" life will tell you I am a gamble and very dangerous to be with, "you never know when he will leave" "his focus is never on you" "he wont commit" etc.. I have made the same mistakes over and over again, I acknowledge those mistakes yet I have made them time and again. I hear the same argument over and over and until this most recent time I hadn't realized how damaged I really am. I have done the same thing to every girl I have loved, and similarly the same to everyone I just had to "fill a spot" (sorry to say so, but I have never been known to sugercoat or pull punches so how can I go easy on myself, its pure honesty)
My goal is to be a better person and to do that I must change my habits, as well as the way I see these situations. Im not superman and I dont know everything, but I am willing to put forth the effort to be the best I can. I have made a promise to myself, my future relationship partners, and the world that I will listen to my own advice and actually learn how to fail and grow from it rather than sit and burn in the same fire time and time again.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
A new level..
.. of confidence and power
I have always valued the words of pantera but I have never really understood them to the point that i have recently. My mind has had a switch thrown and I am seeing things in the world much differently than I have before I am "far beyond driven" to obtain all that I want in life. Much of this is due to my recent association with Monavie TEAM which has been helping me immensely not only in building knowledge of the business world but knowledge of myself as well. I do believe that even in the short time I have been a part of this system I have been on my way to a much better person. I have noticed things in my life that have changed, My patience level is growing, my drive and My fire is stronger than it ever has been, My love of life and things I have chosen to put in it is only growing, My ambitions and dreams not only matter but are attainable and I will reach them someday.
I have always valued the words of pantera but I have never really understood them to the point that i have recently. My mind has had a switch thrown and I am seeing things in the world much differently than I have before I am "far beyond driven" to obtain all that I want in life. Much of this is due to my recent association with Monavie TEAM which has been helping me immensely not only in building knowledge of the business world but knowledge of myself as well. I do believe that even in the short time I have been a part of this system I have been on my way to a much better person. I have noticed things in my life that have changed, My patience level is growing, my drive and My fire is stronger than it ever has been, My love of life and things I have chosen to put in it is only growing, My ambitions and dreams not only matter but are attainable and I will reach them someday.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
A new frontier
So here we are, a new beginning. A beginning of not only a new place for me to express my thoughts and aspirations but a new me entirely. I know I have never been a person associated with making normal choices in life and now is no different than any other time in my life but I do believe I have been making the right choices this time. I have many new projects in the works and I have never been as fired up and passionate as I am right now. I really wish I could show you what the inside of my head looks right now it would be the craziest painting you have ever seen.
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